I recently studied my own Lilith return in my natal chart.
While I don’t believe in using astrology to make absolute assumptions or to tell the future, I do believe that the stars and the universe can give us clues about who we are, where we came from, where we are going, and perhaps give us a little glimpse into God’s ultimate, perfect, loving plan for us individually and collectively. I’ve felt drawn to astrology for years, and only recently found information that felt light-based, God-centered, and truthful enough that I could commit myself to learning it.
Astrology is One of the Best Phycho-Therapy Tools Out There
Since starting this new journey, I’ve come to find that astrology is one of the best phycho-therapy tools out there. Not only has it helped me better understand and make loving connections in my relationships with others, myself, and the world around me; it has given me hope and trust in the future that I’ve never quite felt before.
I know that man doesn’t have all the answers. However, I see God’s guidance to the Wise Men through the stars, who sought after the Christ-child. Abraham, the Biblical father of many nations, was also an astrologer. In other words, I have always known that there is something good in understanding the patterns and signs of the Heavens, and I intuitively seek and study to understand what those are.
Lilith Return – A Dark Spot in Our Sky
This week I was studying my own Lilith Return, which is a rather dark spot in our sky. While doing so, I had a huge “Aha!” moment that brought some clarity and understanding to some past-traumatic experiences. Maybe you don’t believe a wink in astrology. That’s fine. However, even as an exercise, looking at your own Lilith Return offers potential for profound healing. You can look up your own Lilith return here: https://horoscopes.astro-seek.com/calculate-planet-revolutions-returns/
First, some background on Lilith: In one version of this Mesopotamian/Judaic myth, Lilith was given to Adam to be his first wife. However, Lilith refused any subservience to Adam and rebelled, fleeing the Garden of Eden. In her absolute rebellion against God, she partnered with evil and ultimately created legions of daemon babies. Quite the dark story….
In summary, Lilith isn’t warm-and-fuzzy, and the name given to this current mathematical point in the night sky reflects this dark connotation. Each of us has this mathematical placement (Lilith) in our natal star chart that can help reveal some of the darkest parts of ourselves that need nurturing, understanding, and healing.
Lilith Return Every 9 Years
Additionally, every 9 years or so, we experience what is called a “Lilith return.” This means that Lilith returns to the space it originally occupied at the time of our birth. Its arrival has potential to bring a devastatingly painful energy into our lives, perhaps making us feel like the nice girl/boy just isn’t working anymore! In other words, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” [Hippocrates??] And when humans are fearful and desperate, the hurt, bitter, revengeful, resentful girl/boy must, of seeming necessity, take over and fight back.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures.” -Hippocrates
Interestingly, while Lilith return s to our natal chart every nine years or so, it tends to pop in and out of that space multiple times over the course of that year, which has the potential to trigger us over and over and over again for the duration of that year. It was only after studying my own Lilith return s, however, that I noticed some rather astonishing patterns.
Trauma Associated with My Lilith Return
For each of my Lilith return s–or shortly before and/or after my Lilith return s–I personally experienced major life struggles that literally lasted the duration of that year. These situations were inescapable, and such that I was neither equipped nor able to handle the immediate emotional and physical consequences of them. Each were traumatic in the most brutal way, leaving me feeling less vibrant, less hopeful, and emotionally colder than before. In retrospect, I can now see similar patterns–or reoccurring motifs within these experiences–that taught me some rather dismal life-lessons.
Did they teach me the truth? Not so much. Few of the things I learned came from a source of ultimate truth, but rather partial truth (i.e., lies). And yet these life experiences, over time (every 9 years), rammed these “false truths” into my soul over and over again. And so it became very difficult, with so much life evidence, to refute those beliefs or change them so that I could attract anything different.
You attract not what you want, but what you think you deserve.
Moment of truth! Let’s take a look at my Lilith return s:
1992
Year surrounding 1992: I was molested by one of my friend’s parents on multiple occasions. My school teacher, at the time, may have been going through some struggles of her own. In a nutshell, my second grade year wasn’t very pleasant. It was the first time I’d had a teacher who sincerely didn’t like me.
2001
Year surrounding 2001: My first boyfriend–who I was absolutely head-over-heels in love with–dumped me. The experience was so painful that I cried every night for a year. He was also in many of my classes, causing me to see him multiple times a day. At the end of that year, I remember making a conscious decision: I never wanted to hurt that badly ever again. That decision caused a literal change in my energy. For the next 15 years, I stopped feeling entirely. Think COLD, HARD, NUMB. I did such a stellar job of closing off my heart and emotions that I struggled, even after years of healing efforts, to undo that choice.
2010
Year surrounding 2010: I moved into a 30′ travel trailer with my young family and signed up for food stamps and medical welfare. I was starting to see who my husband really was; not a bad man, but not someone I could trust to be honest with me, make good decisions, or take care of our family. Having accrued over $60,000 in debt, I felt humiliated, desperate, and hopeless.
2019
Year surrounding 2019: My second husband walked out on us, and my first husband took me to family court. We had maintained a good friendship post-divorce, but after he remarried, he became uncharacteristically revengeful and vindictive, making life for me and my children extremely emotional and difficult. During this time, I was also trying to date, but kept finding men who came in like a freight train and left just as quickly. I questioned whether I would ever find a man who would fight for me or love me unconditionally.
What Lies Did I Learn from my Lilith Return?
What lies did I learn from my Lilith return s??
#1. I must not trust men to take care of me mentally, physically, or emotionally.
#2: God’s plan for me is painful, and I’m not sure if I can trust that His interests are my best interests.
#3 I am a miserable, unsuccessful, undeserving person and I make others around me unhappy too.
#4 People do not like me authentically.
#5 Close relationships are not safe.
My next Lilith return will start around September 2027, and I’m guessing that year will involve some major provocation in my life. What can I do to prepare? Well…I can either choose to believe the lies I’ve been taught, or I can recognize, refute, and reject them as fast and with as much clarity as I am able. After the fact, it may be important for me to continue searching for unseen or unidentified “viruses” in my psyche, identify them, and release them. I can make the choice now to refuse to let lies sneak under the radar, pull them out like weeds, and plant flowers in their place.
I can either choose to believe the lies I’ve been taught, or I can recognize, refute, and reject them as fast and with as much clarity as I am able. After the fact, it may be important for me to continue searching for unseen or unidentified “viruses” in my psyche, identify them, and release them. I can make the choice now to refuse to let lies sneak under the radar, pull them out like weeds, and plant flowers in their place.
Flowers After a Lilith Return
Flowers after a Lilith return? Absolutely; yes! Personally, I don’t believe in mistakes, but I do believe in divine timing and opportunity in everything that happens FOR us. Life does not have to happen TO us (i.e., it’s all about perspective!) Lilith may hold profound insight into the GIFTS that lie beneath the pain of these experiences.
For example, I sincerely believe that Satan knows EXACTLY who we are, and that he literally has a plan to “take us out.” He is also extremely stealthy, smart and industrious, targeting our gifts and strengths throughout our lives–from the time we are conceived–so that we believe in the lies he’s trying to teach us. For example, maybe I came to this planet with talents and abilities to bless others through a warm and loving heart, and to be an example of what it looks like to have joy, fight for what is right, and be happy. And yet my early life experience taught me instead–and you can see it in my Lilith return s–that the world is a cold/dark place, that I was cold and unfeeling, and that I was hopelessly depressed and unwanted.
Lilith may hold profound insight into the GIFTS that lie beneath the pain of these experiences.
My Greatest Weapons
If my theory is correct, Satan was able to take my greatest weapons–the things I was supposed to come to this planet with to use against HIM–and cause me to use these weapons instead–against myself. Additionally, Satan was able to use my weapons through me to HURT others rather than heal them.
“Your greatest weapon is your enemy’s mind.” -Buddha
For example, I used to be generally vindictive, untrusting, and wished harm on those who hurt me. Additionally, I could be very jealous, judgmental, and shameful. I didn’t believe I was worthy of much, which made it difficult for anyone–including God–to share any good fortune or blessings with me, as I was unwilling or unable to accept them. It became difficult for me to trust God. If God did love me, I didn’t particularly like the way that “love” was playing out. While I would tell people that I knew God loved me (because that is what I was taught in primary school), I didn’t really feel it.
Healing from My Lilith Return
All of that started changing when I started truly healing. (Shameless plug: I will share how I healed as part of my Overcome Depression Boot Camp and Overcome Depression: Mission Possible Programs, coming soon!)
I am now able to look at these events–specifically the things that happened during my Lilith return s (as well as my brutal Saturn return…more on that later!)–as part of God’s plan for me. In my case, Satan’s ultimate will for me has backfired, literally propelling my life closer to my soul’s purpose BECAUSE of the traumas I have experienced. Through the process of healing and acceptance of God’s will (powerful!), I have been able to access unforeseen love and understanding for myself, others, the world around me, and the universe itself. This absolutely would not have occurred had I NOT gone through the horrific experiences of my Lilith return s. What blessings I see in them now!
The greatest blessing of all is this: When I realize that every lie I believe has been planted there BECAUSE there is power underneath that lie–in ME–that dark forces do NOT want me to discover–it gives me the strength and resolve to harness that power. In other words, I believe 100% that our current perceived weaknesses are ABSOLUTELY our strengths–the ones we came to this planet WITH. Though it may not be easy, our purpose and destiny is contingent upon our ability to uncover, remember, and use these powers within us the way they were intended!
I believe 100% that our current perceived weaknesses are ABSOLUTELY our strengths–the ones we came to this planet WITH.
Refuse to Believe the Lies Anymore
You can make that step today: Refuse to believe the lies anymore. Take a literal, massive step into empowerment, knowing that you are so VERY important…or Satan wouldn’t waste his time making plans to destroy you. Why would he do that? The answer is simple: Because he knows that you have the power to destroy him.
So today, start looking at your weaknesses through a lens of scrutiny. If you think a weakness is who you are…think again. Your weaknesses are, most likely, the cover-up, false identity you think you are that is keeping you from maximizing your greatest potential. On the other side of that weakness–and often the complete opposite of it–is your greatest strength.
Accepting Appointments for Light-Filled Astrology Natal Chart Sessions
I am currently accepting appointments for Light-Filled Astrology Natal Chart sessions. Most astrologers charge at least $200 for something like this. However, since I’m rather new at this, I’m offering up 60-90-minute sessions with a custom, typed summary of your chart (which usually takes me an additional 90 minutes) for just $85. You can schedule an appointment here: https://calendly.com/imaquarius/90min. Your support allows me to practice, and you may be surprised by the insights you come away with! If you are interested, please email me directly at contact@imaquarius.com.
Overcome Depression Boot Camp
Additionally, I am currently building a 30 day Overcome Depression Boot Camp Program for anyone who wants help in beating depression or mental disorder. If you have tried other methods, feel hopeless, or have nearly given up hope…don’t! I believe, sincerely, that anyone CAN heal! I struggled with chronic depression for over 25 years, and have now been free of chronic depression for almost 14 years. It took me years of work, faith, and testing (on myself!) to discover unorthodox tools and information you may never have heard of before. These tools can, with time, bring you healing and a life of joy. If you are interested, please sign up for my newsletter so that I can reach you once the program is released.